For years I felt completely the same and I am still grieving the loss of alcohol in my social life. I have to remind myself of how poorly it made me feel the next day. In the good days, it always helped me 'relax' (escape/disconnect from emotional pain or social anxiety). I don't know what happened over time to get me to the point where it was giving me hell. Alcohol was the convenient rug under which I swept difficult emotions. I thought my issues would miraculously dissolve if I ignored them. Then of course that pile under the rug never went away and only grew. It grew bigger and nastier until the rug could no longer cover all the shit and it exploded. I felt like I'd been led into a trap and I was completely ensnared. I still don't know how to manage my anxiety amazingly well, but it has improved. It's only 4 months though and my sobriety is probably the best tool I have right now. I am using healthy tactics to look after my mind, such as counselling and mindfulness meditation. I'm also really enjoying reading about Buddhism, it's interesting and I'm storing some techniques into my little emotional tool box. Very crucially, I'm finally giving my anxiety medication a chance to do its job. These things all take time, a concept I've struggled with - especially when once upon a time, alcohol used to provide instant 'relief' (escape) from it all! I really wish you the best on your journey, there is help out there if you need it ❤️