If you really want to stay sober, buy/get some Antabuse. I found it helpful in those early days (1-3 months).

I would also take your depressive thoughts with a grain of salt. When we first get sober it is hard to sit on those raw, open emotions sober...we're so used to blunting it all with chemicals, be they alcohol or drugs. When you first feel them raw, wow, they are intense.

But I noticed that, when I was in the early days of sobriety, I would have what felt like unnaturally depressed and sad thoughts and feelings, and I honestly think it was a chemical rebound anxiety.

Have you ever had a broken arm or leg, then seen what it looks like after it comes out of the cast? It's like crazy withered and atrophied.

It could be that chemicals in your brain that naturally blunt excessive anxiety are also withered and atrophied, so to speak, because you've been using alcohol to deal with anxiety instead.

So you gotta give your brain time to build back up. It doesn't just BOOM bounce right back to normal in 2 or 3 days, no more than an atrophied arm removed from a cast will snap back to normal in 2 or 3 days.

Be patient, you'll get there. The anxiety and depression storms will lower in frequency and intensity over the next 6-18 months.