The most accurate phrasing I could find of how abuse sticks like nothing else is the title of Guy Maddin's movie "Brand Upon the Brain." The memory is there, and claiming that memories change is beside the point that it's irreversible. You never know when something similar might happen because the original event seemed to happen so suddenly and out of your control that who knows what other life-destroying things you can't predict. And at the same time, being too paranoid is also life-destroying, but slower. The line between running away from memories that your instincts rendered in 8k and throwing yourself into those memories repeatedly is precarious. I am thankful for therapy, friends, mushrooms, and Voltaire's Candide.