As someone that went through an incredibly painful breakup after 4 years because of his 13 year old daughter... maybe I can offer some perspective. His daughter was incredibly nasty to me, she would slap me, she cussed at me, she was just all around obnoxious to be around. Her dad was pretty passive about it because she lives with her mom but when we had her for the summers and whatnot, it was hell. She just didn’t like me. And her dad did just about nothing. She would scream and howl about how she wanted to murder me. It was very emotionally taxing. I am not her mother nor her stepmother (and her mother didn’t like me either - very jealous woman) and i didn’t feel it was my place to punish her. You need to realize your wife is reaching out to you to help her and that she probably feels it’s not her place to punish your daughter either. You need to have a serious sit down and heart to heart with your daughter. Consider individual counseling/family counseling. Sit down and listen to your wife. She is acting out because she feels like she is out of options. If y’all put the work in and it still doesn’t work out, then divorce. What’s odd is you sound like you don’t care/don’t want to deal with it, so I’m not sure what else to say. Best of luck, truly.