I reached out for help, got to talk to therapist, got medicine, stopped feeling sad, started feeling nothing, mind felt like static tv, can't have any ideas, changed meds many times, back to therapist, went to mental health hospital to talk to professional to get right medicines, cried all day and night I was there, family tried calling to check on me and were told I wasn't there, they tell me I need to just stay one night to get my right medicine, stayed, want me to stay for week to try medicine, can't do it, wanna leave, I finally leave that night since I put myself there, tell therapist I was scared, don't want to kill myself I just want to not exist, therapist threatens to put me back in mental hospital since I'm "suicidal", get scared and pretend I'm okay and leave, never come back and never getting help again.