We've had different experience that led up to the abortion, and the type. But the last part stuck out quite a bit.

Brief explanation: was 22. Working full time at a seasonal job. Slept with a guy I worked with and liked. Month later find out about the pregnancy. Since the guy was moving back to his country, and I wasn't financially stable, nor would my family be ok with the situation, the appointment was set. Was recommended a clinic that only did surgical abortions, and eight weeks into the pregnancy, it was over.

This was always my theoretical emergency plan. We still used protection, and we did like each other. Even if we didn't like each other and it was a fling... Still ok with the decision. That being said, I walked away from the clinic feeling good and confident. Even with the confidence that what I did was the right thing to do, for the next year I kept on thinking about what this pregnancy could have become. How big the kid would be, when I'd give birth, how big the bump would be.

It helped me to be curious and allow myself to feel these things. To wonder and to imagine what life would be had I chosen the other option. Adoption would have been out of the question, since parting with things is kind of hard for me, so even after the year I'd think about how old the kid would be.

It's ok to think about the what ifs. The kind of life you'd have if you went through with the pregnancy. But do remember: You chose the right path. If you ever start to doubt that, find someone to talk to. A professional helps more than a friend for a reason. While your friends/family/strangers might try to do right by you and attempt helping, their reactions might not always be what you're looking for. Especially with depression. There are just so many layers of emotion, unfolded events, and god knows what else, wrapped up in this that finding the right professional will make this journey much easier. It could be one of acceptance, healing, learning, grief, and/or becoming stronger, but it's a journey that can be taken at your own pace.

Hope you are able to find peace with yourself and your decision. It was the right decision. You are not alone in feeling and thinking these things. You also sound like a very strong woman, being able to get yourself out of a harmful situation with your ex is good proof. Good luck on your journey!