Parenting is hard. Babies are stressful. Kids will make mistakes. You may end up spending a lot of extra time and money -- more than you anticipated. These things are totally normal. N-parents, however, tend to resent their kids for all of this and hold it against them for years. Normal parents just accept that having kids is a huge responsibility and will take a lot of work.
You may feel like you've had a raw deal in life (as you say, martyrdom complex), but don't use that to justify making bad parenting choices. It was always annoying for me to point out something shitty my parents were doing only to hear, "Well when I was your age, my parents were so much worse and did this and that, so you have no room to complain!" Don't use your own personal pain to justify inflicting it on someone else.
Show genuine interest in your child. Growing up, I always felt neglected and ignored. My parents didn't care about anything I was interested in, and would just make fun of me instead. So I'd say, simply, be involved. Learn what they like, what they're good at, what they think, and generally just be there for them.
Don't just ship your kids off to school and assume that they'll automatically become functional adults overnight. You're still the primary teacher. You don't need to do it all for them, but you are still responsible for teaching them valuable life skills and important lessons.
Don't make false comparisons. For example, "You should be thanking me all the time -- look at all these other kids who thank their parents!", or "I know plenty of other parents who cut off their kids financially at age 18, and they were completely fine, so stop complaining!" Sometimes those comparisons aren't valid. Children will naturally want to thank their parents if there is something to thank them for. Parents who cut off their children financially can safely do so if they've helped establish a firm base for that kid in the first place (helping them learn how to save money, use a credit card responsibly, understand rates and terms, etc). There is a huge world of difference between "kicking your kid out of the house and cutting them off with zero financial skills or support of their own" and "helping your child be self-sufficient by age 18 by giving them the necessary skills and resources in a responsible and healthy way."
You are the last line of defense for your child. They should always know that you are their biggest champion and will always have their back. This doesn't mean you always have to agree with their decisions, but it means you should always have their happiness, safety, and wellbeing in mind. There's no guarantee that the rest of the world will care about these things -- so you must be that guarantee.
Don't gaslight. This is a hallmark trait of most narcissists. People (not just your children) almost immediately lose respect for pathological liars. I do not respect my parents because they never admitted fault and blamed everyone else instead, like toddlers throwing a tantrum. It showed a profound lack of emotional maturity and self-awareness.
Those who demand the respect the most deserve it the least. If you are having kids with the expectation of automatically getting respect, this is the wrong way to go about things. Respect is earned. If that idea bothers you, it shouldn't: Respect is very easy to earn as long as you treat people kindly. But if you're treating someone like crap and still expecting some kind of preferential treatment just because you're a parent, see the end of point #5.
The first person in your life to treat you like an adult often has more influence than anyone else. If you're always treating your child like an incompetent good-for-nothing, they will grow to resent you. If your child is bad at something, don't make fun of them -- help them get better, instead.
Which leads me to my next point: You are not in competition with your children. If you're the type of person to get jealous or envious at the idea of having a child who is better than you in some way (happier, more easygoing, more intelligent, more well-liked, more likely to be successful, more creative, more insightful, etc), that's a bad sign because you should want your child to be better than you, if anything. Raising a happy, healthy child is the goal. Constantly beating that child down a peg because your ego feels threatened is not.
Don't scream at your child or throw things or threaten / intimidate them. Conflicts can be resolved with words, even if they get heated once in a while. But it should never come to the point where you are acting like a toddler. If this is a problem you have, it may require some therapy.
And if the idea of therapy turns you off because you don't want to admit mistakes or change your behavior, consider giving up the child for adoption.