Thanks for writing back, and although I won't know, I can feel your frustration. I like your sense of self-awareness, and you should definitely keep at it. Also, I'm not a therapist yet I want to take a quick moment to share my experiences.

Mentors at my uni could be anything: showing students around the campus, networking, getting people to come together for drinks at the end of semester/exams. I know it sounds all very weird given that it could be unheard of at your uni, but it's worth a try.

Because life is about taking chances. Yes maybe one might show up, maybe nobody at all. It takes guts to pull risks and own our mistakes.

Maybe irrelevant but here goes. I wasn't out and I don't have gay friends, but I came across a Facebook page where "gaymers" hang out at a bar monthly, and there's events that switch up (Smash, speed friending, trivia, etc.). I was scared cos I don't know anyone but I did it. I went a few times, met some people, and didn't make any friends cos I was awkward. That's fine, I'm proud I went out of my comfort zone. Time will pass and people won't remember I was there.

If you'll be home late and need to run an excuse, you could say you stayed back to study with friends, or there's a night class for extra tutoring and explain you are doing your best. You won't believe how many concerts I've been on my own because people aren't tuned to my taste and still had a good time. However, the very few ones I regret going by myself are music festivals and a trap DJ set.

I don't get along with my Mum too and my family drives me nuts, so I can relate to that. I'm sure you talk to your therapist about it, and I'll leave that to you.

I've been back and forth between depression, anxiety, OCD. In the past I used different medications and psychologists, and they can all so much. I couldn't deal with the med side effects either, I know right! That's why I stopped after a while.

Life can really feel like driving mindlessly through a long highway and you're going nowhere, OR when you're struggling to reach the very top of a mountain while losing lots of oxygen at high altitude. I think that meditation, (especially) mindfulness, and exposing ourselves to new experiences are worth taking the chance. Maybe your therapist suggested it, I don't know. I'm not a therapist either.

There is truly a light at the end of the tunnel and I can promise you that. You should celebrate everyday how far you've come: that you're nearly finished with your studies, you're making it alive to 2019, you passed your exams, you walked 10000 steps today. You're welcome to PM me if you want to continue venting. I wish you nothing but the best