One time right after he got drafted we convinced a girl and her friends my friend was Kyle Schwarber. To be fair to her we are all IU fans so we knew a fair bit more than we probably would normally have about a minor leaguer and this was when he was a bit chunkier so the fact that my friend is a last piece of shit probably helped him out.

We thought she was gonna call our bluff after she looked Kyle Schwarber’s picture but she immediately called over her friends and was like “This guy plays for the Cubs!” and we couldn’t believe we got away with that. I like to think during the World Series she proudly told people how she knew Kyle Schwarber before he was good