3. I accidentally killed my brother.

I accidentally killed my brother.

OP! I am a mother and I promise you moms say things that in the heat of a moment leave permanent scars in impressionable kids and I bet your mother wants to go back and undo what she said to you almost as bad as she wishes she could have taken that rock out of the van.

Ten year old children don’t foresee consequences well at all, so from a moral standpoint you truly are not to blame. It was a horrible accident caused by a really horrible van design and it could have happened to anyone.

Really.

You are not uniquely evil or cursed and if there is someone to blame, it’s whatever group of “professionals” that either designed that awful van or whoever authorized an obviously stupid aftermarket addition like overhead shelving on a family vehicle.

I’m glad you are in therapy and if your family hasn’t done any family therapy, I’d strongly recommend that as well. Clearly that accident has had lasting repercussions for you and probably your whole family; you guys will never be magically perfectly healed but you can move forward in a healthier way and make the most of the lives you do have.

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