Acknowledged Trauma

Completely. But it's not all bad. I started to understand a few years ago. For about 15 years I had no identity, I cut all ties with everyone I knew several times and kept moving whenever things got too much. Became whoever my partner wanted in relationships and to be honest, just generally made awful choices and had some scarring experiences. As soon as I fully accepted who my dad was and the truth about my childhood, i started to put boundaries in and it got better. It's a hard choice and I struggle with it myself some days, but since cutting contact with him to a bare minimum, I've felt a huge sense of relief. I was recently told about attachment styles which you might find interesting, I showed it to my sister and we went through some painful realisations. Our relationship has been strained much like yours, but it has helped us a lot to talk through it together.

It's slow and painful and I'm so sorry you're going through this, but honestly, it gets better. It feels better. I've found it really helped me to try a lot of different things though, learning different views and cultures as well. I love learning about people's interests, their passions and flaws. The difference now is that I don't make it my new personality, just keep that in mind. It's amazing to learn new things and keep parts you like, but don't put yourself in a box while you find yourself. Especially dating. As I mentioned before, I would change myself to fit their box or do whatever they wanted me to, but it honestly doesn't feel good and it's just a waste of time. It's easy to feel like everyone else has their life together and is a complete person, but people are just a collection of things they like. If you ever want to talk, feel free to message me.

/r/narcissisticparents Thread