[Actual update from real OP] My sister is being held in her home by her husband...

I'm not sure though. You said a woman in the moment of domestic violence doesn't call names like mamas boy. But you know what? We do. The last time I was assaulted before I left,it was ugly - not just in physical ways but in verbal as well. The victim of the assault isn't always a saint who is pummeled while she is silently crying. Fights- verbal or physical- rarely are 100% started or perpetuated by the batterer. I can remember hurling invectives at my ex. I was furious. I couldnt compete physically, but I could dish it verbally and mentally - which were the only equalizing "weapons" I had. Being the victim of a battery doesn't mean you're a silent sufferer. You're angry - at the batterer and at the situation. You're helpless physically, but you might lash out in ways that you can, even if you know it might make things worse for you. It might mean a worse beating. You're not always rational in the moment. My batterer also had issues with his mother, and while I don't think I called him a momma's boy, I'm pretty sure I threw a crack or two about his mother. Again, victims of battery aren't saints, and they don't have to be. Violent reprisals for verbal blows aren't okay (and I don't think that you think they are - just speaking generally).

It's a hard subject - I thank you for being understanding and thoughtful, really. I do agree that exaggerations can happen. That is a problem when in court - but I think in a post on the Internet, nothing is lost if we give the benefit of the doubt to a story, and say, yeah, if he's shoving this woman, and especially if she has a baby in arms, that's a huge red flag for worse assault, get the fuck out. No one is harmed legally or practically of commenters reply as if the story is true - on the other hand, if we hold back and say, oh, she's probably exaggerating, or say, maybe she provoked it, then possibly a real person minimizes it to herself (VERY common to say to oneself "oh, it wasn't as bad as I think it was), and doesn't get out, and she or the baby is harmed.

It's an awful subject. I will probably stop replying at this point because it gets too emotional for me, even after so many years, so I hope you understand. But again, thanks for the conversation and thanks for your thoughtfulness. It's appreciated.

/r/TwoXChromosomes Thread Parent