I've been really depressed and irrational lately but the ultimate thing that set me off is because I desperately want to read a book series because everyone around me says it's really good and my sister has almost the full collection of them. But she doesn't want me reading them so she keeps making excuses. I just want to read them. Everyone around me wants me to read them. I'm crying and my entire family hates me. My OCD is literally so bad and I have to go to school in a few days. It's the final year and I doubt I'm gonna graduate. I'm a huge fucking failure and this series is literally all I have but I can't even have that. I feel really pathetic.

I genuinely think this is the final straw before I actually do it. I'm not even afraid to die. I'm only apprehensive because I want to read these books so bad.