I see what you mean, and I should've explained it a little better. I left a lot of details out because tbh its embarrassing to even think about it and I have so much guilt for the the things I've done to feed my addiction. In time I'm sure I'll be ready but as of now I can barely come to terms and forgive myself for those things. But I'm just looking for an accepting community because I dont really have people that I can go to about this. I should've phrased it better. But I barely feel the high anymore, I mean I still do but it's not even fun or anything at this point its just habit. If that makes sense I have a hard time putting this into words.