I just posted this as a text-post. I feel like it's more relevant here as a comment:

I just had another fight with my SO (s/he might see this), and it has some pretty recognizable themes: I feel like s/he is often over-critical of me, she feels like I get defensive too quickly on minor things. I admit, 1/3 (our agreed on number lol) of the time I get defensive way too quickly, something just strikes a nerve and I don't want to talk about it any more (whatever it is). On one hand this is my fault, completely and totally, I admit it. But I also feel like s/he should respect my desire not to talk about something, especially if its personal. They say I don't communicate it clearly that I just don't want to talk about something, I assume this is probably because by the time I don't want to talk about it I am probably already upset by it. I just wish we could drop things instead of escalating the fights. Anyway, I know this is a common ADHD thing for someone to think about their spouse, SO, roommate, parents, authority figures, etc. and I know that s/he's not the only person I feel this way about... I generally since I was a child have felt controlled by people and have always had my life goal of being independent (which now I am). This is only a problem in my life when I have someone who I'm close to which is supposed to take a personal interest in my life and decisions, which is a big problem bc it means I can't have people close to me who occupy my space, and I sincerely want to have people like that in my life. But, also, I am really unsure to what extent I do want the criticism that comes with having people like that, and then I also worry that my SO is a particularly bad fit for my kind of personality, because I'm not just imagining this, it is at least some of the time a real-world issue, but I would be really sad if that was the case because I do love them, they are great and I want it to work out between us. Anyway, anyone else in the community empathize?