Adults of reddit who were depressed kids or teens, what is it like to be here when you didn't expect to make it this far? What would you tell your younger self if you could?

I was a pretty miserable kid. I threatened suicide a few times when I was 9-12. It was probably the only time my mom ever hit me in my life. I bottled a lot up in those years, but I promised to wait until I was 25 to decide whether or not my life was a complete failure.

Flash forward to 25. It had been a pretty rough road. The ups and downs were and still are pretty extreme. However, I made a lot of friends. I became a lot more aware of the feelings of people around me. I realized what it would do to my close friends and my family partly because I've went through that type of pain twice now, with an ex and a friend from college. I figured out why my mom was so angry when I had talked about killing myself. I feel really bad for putting her through that. After the divorce, my brother and I were all that was left.

I can't say that I'm really all that happy now. To be honest, part of me is still pretty apathetic about dying. I should probably see a therapist or something about that, but I've never been able to bring myself to do it. Still, I don't I could kill myself at this point.

If I could go back, I'd tell my 9 year old self not to worry so much about fitting in or growing up. I'd tell myself that I was going to grow up tall, surprisingly athletic, and better than average looking. I'd tell myself not to tell my mom that I wanted to kill myself, but rather to come to her and ask about therapy.

/r/AskReddit Thread