Having lousy parents is painful, and your feelings are absolutely valid... Not that you need me to say that. I'm not advising you to normalize it, though it is incredibly common, whether benevolent or not. My parents were phenomenal. I am literally envied by all my friends who knew them. AND my mom left me with a pile of Christian guilt and my dad left me feeling like a career failure. Trying to do their best for me involved trying to manipulate me into seeing the world their way. I'm advising that it is their problem, not yours... if you can find a way to let it be. Nothing you haven't heard before. The balance between the need to extend Grace and forgiveness on an individual level and the need to hold people accountable on a societal level is difficult. It is always best for the individual to just forgive and move on. Make it an SEP. As a society that is completely unacceptable. Judging if the person, or group, is or is not in a position to continue doing harm... I don't know how to navigate that. What's So Amazing About Grace, Phillip Yancey.