[Advice] My [19m] SO is killing my confidence in the bedroom. Feeling lost.

Personally, I think a lot of it is his age. Guys around that age can be a bit selfish in the bedroom. That is not always the case. I wasn't (though to be fair a woman in the heights of pleasure does it for me) but it isn't strange for a guy his age to be more focused on himself getting off. I think there is more of an emotional connection in sex if you are taking the time to both pleasure each other. It shows a bit more of a wanting to make the person you love happy. So I really don't see why he thinks you wanting more attention is a pure sexual thing. In fact that for women would really be the opposite. You really shouldn't feel ashamed or dirty. This isn't the 1940's anymore. You are both entitled to an orgasm. It may not happen every time but it is selfish if he gets off and you don't every single time or even more often than not. The thing is if this is really important to you; you are both going to need to sit down and talk it out with an open mind. If he is turning things back onto you and guilt tripping you maybe even have a mediator. Communication is always the key. Don't be mean to each other but talk about it. Especially because it isn't uncommon for a lack of satisfaction in the bed room leading to problems outside of the bedroom. Also when you do talk it out. Make sure you avoid any you statements. Instead of "Your not giving me enough attention in the bedroom" try instead something like "I feel unsatisfied when we sleep together. I love you and I would like for us to make this work. Would you mind trying x". You statements assign blame and considering how your last talk went assigning blame will clearly put him on the defensive.

Last but not least try to get him to focus more on foreplay than penetration. If you are having a hard time reaching orgasm with him that will seriously help. It reasonably normal that a woman doesn't get off from penetration alone. The flip side of this is if he can get you to reach an orgasm or two from foreplay the likelihood of you reaching orgasm during penetration increases. If he is only doing it for a minute or two and going ok my turn, he isn't giving you the chance to reach where you need to be. If he focuses more energy onto that though all the dominoes will fall into place.

Also, this is just one mans opinion. I could be completely wrong. Nine times out of ten though communication is what will solve things.

/r/sex Thread