Advice on difficulty dating after having known immense love

Have you had a conversation about this sorta thing with the girl now?

I'm not sure I'd recommend it, lol, but I'm curious.

My bf and I had a convo very early about our expectations in love. I've had a history of my (long term) exes telling me that they were in love with me within about a month of officially dating. He's apparently never even said it before. I pretty much assumed that we were official, and brought up the DTR too early, I think (I'd never initiated that convo before in my life tho, I was just feeling false assurance, I guess, and it came up for practical reasons too). He was hesitant at first, which really surprised me given what he was throwing out there, but came around shortly afterwards, and said that he wanted to basically take the leap and go for it, because he didn't want to be with anyone else.

I couldn't leave it at that. Ime, he was supposed to be declaring his love, lol, not debating whether or not he even wanted to be my boyfriend. After many talks and arguments, we've been at a slow burn stage ever since. And after a lot of internal struggle, I decided that I was okay with that, despite having gone on record multiple times in that I would never entertain a slow burn. This wasn't love at first sight for me either, so fair enough.

I think I've only ever had one love at first sight experience. But the further I get from it, the less I trust it. I met a guy at a wedding. He was incredibly good looking, which helped, lol (as did the atmosphere, I'm sure). I think he felt it too though, he paused for a lengthy amount of time when we were introduced. We hung out for exactly three days, and then extenuating circumstances got in the way of continuing our communication (which he'd actually suggested). In my dreams, he's become this sort of Romeo figure. It was easy to idealize, but when I look back, I can see so many signs that it wouldn't have worked (or would have been miserable) had we actually given it time.

So I've personally gotten to a point where, having been blinded by the sun as well, lol, it's not so important to me anymore, and my vision's come back.

And, total tangent, that song "Blinded" by Third Eye Blind is coming to mind too - very painful, anxiety driven.

I don't want a painful, anxiety ridden, highs are highs and lows are lows relationship. In the instances where I have actually given these time, they just ruined everything else in my life.

But... would she be ok knowing that you're still blinded by someone else and doing the slow burn? One of the huge arguments with the now bf was learning that he'd been hung up on someone just a month before meeting me (after a lot of pushing and prodding that I kinda regret). In fairness, we met organically, when neither one of us were trying to meet someone. I think I was only okay with it because it seemed to even out the situation. Alright, so we've both been in that place, we're not there now, but we seem to really like each other, and there seems to be potential for a future that isn't miserable.

Again tho, not sure I'd recommend opening Pandora's box lol.

/r/datingoverthirty Thread