For fuck's sake man. If you're a man that is attractive enough to fuck, you'll fuck. "Stopped initiating 3 years ago?". You're living in your wife's frame, you don't have to choose a life without her or a life without sex... Live your life the way you want, let her be the one to choose whether she wants to keep her attractive husband that other women seem to notice. Lift, read, do cool shit for yourself. I'm 4 years in since I cut out the bullshit, put in the work and started living my life on my terms. My wife came along easily, I went from once or twice a month trading shoulder rubs for starfish sex to fucking whenever I want, unsolicited blowjobs, etc. If she hadn't come along, I was ok with that, she wasn't what it was about.