I don't think you have to let go as long as your thoughts are warm. Not hot not cold. My story is very much like the OP. Along with the inability to stop obsessing, being angry off and on, etc. Ok for a few days and then revert to a lot of suspicion, anger, etc. Finally realized even if he showed up I was still unfit and insecure.. That's when I started doing the work as though it was a job for ME. Religiously. Doing SATS before bed every night.. Then added more nice random thoughts all day. Then every time a negative old thought popped up I'd make up a new ending that put me in the role of being cherished instead of disrespected. I knew it was working when other people changed toward me. Suddenly he didn't matter so much. Still I could tell something was happening because of the small signs in the outer world. I cannot share how the initial contact happened, it was too bizarre. Too inexplicable. I was very nervous after so much time. The first few phone calls were full of static... literally. I was so nervous it was a blessing. Then he called one day when I was laughing and happy and we talked for an hour while I was grocery shopping. It was perfect! Mostly because I am finally showing who I really am. Probably for the first time ever. The thing that made all the difference is never discussing any part of it with anyone. It's a secret that's all yours. I am only sharing this because these forums helped when I had no hope. Neville is right when he says that others just reflect your insecurities. If you need reassurance, no one can give you enough. There is no substitute for doing the work.