I am sorry that you are having to go through this. Congratulations on being a new mother though! These will be some of your best days, right?

It seems like your father is already creating a narrative in which you are a bad mother. Eventually, this story, if told enough, will become accepted as fact by everyone who interacts with him, who is under his influence. He is undermining you and making you doubt yourself already. If this doesn't stop, it will just get worse. You won't want to have to defend yourself to your daughter once she's old enough to listen to, and most likely believe, her grandpa, who loves her more than anyone else in the world, of course.

I've seen this situation play out with my paternal grandmother and my own mother, two women who were both selfish, manipulative, arrogant and controlling. My mother succeeded in taking my brother's children from him and driving his wife to suicide, something she likes to almost brag about. She gloats over it. She will get excited, her eyes bright, when she recounts just how emotionally bad off my sister in law was during her last days, when my mother was refusing to let her see her kids, when her depression was at it worst. As soon as my sister in law became pregnant, my mom started telling her and everyone in the family about how she would become a bad mother. My sister in law's gradual decline and then death nine years after her first child was born devastated my brother. He did let my mother say and do anything to his wife though. So, in a way, he is partly responsible for what happened to her. After she died, it took him years to recuperate enough to function as an adult again, all the while still under my mother's thumb. After my brother remarried, my mother went after his new wife, claiming that she was a bad stepmother. She nitpicked everything his new wife did, made up wild stories about her "troubled" past, claimed she was prostituting herself out while married to my brother, that she was just after my brothers money... and on and on. This woman is actually pretty nice and shy and somewhat religiously conservative. But, in my mother's world, this new mother figure for her grandchildren can do no right. My mother has had unofficial custody of my brother's kids for the past ten years, since their mother's decline. She makes a martyr out of herself, claiming that she has to take care of them since nobody else will care for them as much as she does. She rants about how they are such selfish, spoiled brats even though she does everything for them. My brother has been so afraid of being disinherited that he has mostly let her do whatever he wants. And, now that his kids are teenagers they can decide where they want to live too. And, they want to live with grandma who both spoils them rotten and abuses them (nice combination). My stepfather works himself to death to support my mother and his two step grandchildren. My mother convinces the kids that my stepfather, their grandfather is mean and abusive when, in reality, he's her biggest target/enabler. She's managed to isolate everyone from each other. My niece and nephew think their father, stepmother, grandfather and their aunt (me) are all horrible, selfish people who abuse their poor grandma. She tells me and my stepfather about all the crap my niece and nephew and brother and sister in law put her through... She tells everyone some crazy stories about me too, which I end up having to defend against and explain. Most of my extended family doesn't know me and doesn't want to. I don't think they believe me at all. My mother is much better at lying than I am at telling the truth! In short, my mother has spent her whole life triangulating everyone in the family. If my mother had a job, her title would be Senior Chaos Maker.

I never had children, mostly because I was always afraid that I'd end up birthing a copy of my mother. And, after dealing with a lifetime of my being called every name in the book (stupid was my mother's favorite) as well as being thoroughly criticized, shamed and ridiculed by my mother and her supporters, I really didn't think it wise for me to have a child. It wasn't until I was in my thirties that I realized that I was actually a decent person and deserved to have a family of my own and then it was too late for me. I didn't need to prove that I was smart enough or successful enough before having children. And, no matter how successful I was in life, how many friends I had, I was always painted as a socially inept loser by my mother and her cronies. I left home at 18, moved across the country, and have supported myself since then but my mother has still managed to convince my family that they have helped me out with everything I've ever achieved and that I'm just emotionally unstable, irresponsible and some sort of grifter even though I've been married (now widowed) and have lived in the house I bought with my own money for over twenty years. I'm no contact with her now, after putting up with fifty years of her crap because "she's my mother". I can only imagine the craziness that would have ensued if I did have kids. My niece and nephew can barely bring themselves to talk with me when I visit them. My mother monitors and controls all of our interactions. I've overheard her telling them that I am emotionally troubled so it is no wonder they act like they are afraid of me.

What happened with my family might not happen with yours, of course. My mother seems like an extreme case. But, with my family and some other families, I've seen how this sort of thing can progress into the loving, caring, doting grandparent convincing the grandchild that their parents are failures and don't or can't love them enough (meaning as much as grandma or grandma). Save yourself some grief and limit contact with your father until he can back off the criticism. He should be doing his best to support you, not tear you down and make you doubt yourself. From what I've seen and read, being a new mother is tough enough. Why let someone make it harder for you?

You definitely don't want to give your father any opportunity to turn your child against you. That will result in a lifetime of pain for you and your child.

As for "I am constantly attempting to rewire my thoughts in response to his daily comments", this is a clear sign that your father is having a really negative impact on you right now. Be strong. And, be safe. Your daughter needs you to be healthy, both emotionally and physically. You can do it.