When I was in my late twenties, I was invited by the woman I was dating at that time, to go on a caribbean cruise with her.
I accepted her invitation. It was something I wish I had never done.
I'm 6'3" (197 cm), and over 200 pounds, mostly muscle. She was 5'0" and not athletic by any evaluation.
We had a shared cabin. She invited me to try on a blindfold and have my hands tied behind my back, so she could feed me chocolate-covered strawberries.
I accepted.
What happened instead was that she raped me, using a knife and a dildo and other items, with graphic violent threats about what she intended to do to me, that she would tell police I raped her, that she would leave me stranded in a foreign country without a passport (no passports were necessary at the time for caribbean cruises from the US), that she would tell everyone we knew that I had raped her and was in a foreign jail awaiting trial, that she would get me fired and destroy my life, if I came forward.
She said that she wanted to know what it was like to hold that kind of power over someone else, over a man. She said no-one would believe me that she raped me.
I had no evidence, and was stuck on a cruise ship in international waters with no access to anyone who I actually knew.
I never reported it. It would have been just my word against hers. I knew that if I tried, there would be a giant spectacle, lots and lots of public speculation calling me a liar, saying that I had made a false rape accusation, claiming that it was impossible for a 5'0" non-athlete woman to rape a 6'3" somewhat-athletic man. They would say that I wanted it to happen, because hey, what else would I expect from being blindfolded and handcuffed alone together in a cabin on a caribbean cruise?
This happened long ago, beyond the statute of limitations, beyond the statute of limitations when I finally had the courage to discuss it with a therapist, and deal with the anxiety and panic attacks and phobias I still carry because of that incident.
I have severe social anxiety, depression, am afraid to leave the house much less the country, and thinking about cruise ships, the ocean, or physical intimacy with another person induces panic attacks.
Then I read the kinds of things written by opinionated assholes on forums, saying that this woman made false rape accusations, that she lied, that she is the worst of humanity, she should be sued and prosecuted —
Her school declined to take disciplinary action against the man she says raped her, because they couldn't find enough evidence to allow them to do so. He can't be prosecuted because of a lack of evidence.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
I read all of this horse shit written by opinionated assholes who revel in taling shit about women, who weren't present to know whether or not she was or wasn't raped, and I see so very few people, almost no-one, standing up to them —
And I understand why my rapist was so confident that she could make me fear for and plead for my life, why she could shove - unlubricated - a five-inch dildo up my ass, why she could drag a knife blade across my cheek and dangle the point a few millimetres from my eye while I screamed into a cloth gag, describing to me how she would be sure that inmates in the shitty foreign jail I would be abandoned in would be told I was a child molester so they would blind me and rape me as they slowly killed me on her behalf —
Now, I understand why she felt that she would get away with it.
This is what goes through my mind.
This is what goes through the mind of every rape survivor.
That there are hordes of assholes who are drooling at the chance to insult, harass, denounce, defame, and make life hell for anyone who cannot prove they were raped, and who dares come forward with it.