After years of continuous drinking, I finally quit. First four days down and I feel amazing!

I can't speak for all addicts/alcoholics but I can speak for myself and my experience with people I've known in AA who have my type of alcoholism. I've quit and relapsed more times than I can count and each time it's always the same. No matter how long I've been sober, when I take that first drink, I'm right back where I was when I quit. There's no reset period for me. No "Oh take a year off and then you can start enjoying alcohol again".

Alcohol was great to me when I started. It gave me confidence and made me interesting. I couldn't get a girl's number sober if I spent an entire weekend trying but give me a few drinks and I was the smoothest guy at the bar. It's these memories that always betray me and get me back on the sauce. I romanticize my experiences on alcohol and believe that I can relieve those glory days.

Over time, the good times ceased and it no longer was about having fun. It became a necessity just to get through the day. My whole life revolved around when I could take that next drink. It alienated me from my friends, my family, almost got me fired, almost got me thrown in jail. It took a very long time to recover and rebuild myself and even after all of that I still have these urges to stop on the way home at the liquor store for a bottle.

All it would take is a single beer for the demon in me to gain control again. One beer would turn into a six pack which would turn into a case which would then turn into a fifth. I'd be missing work calling in sick just so I could drink until I black out and then wake up to have another drink. I've known many people in AA who will be sober 5+ years and then think they have it under control just to pick up the bottle again and then we find out he's dead. The last guy I knew was sober for over 30 years, had a bad day at work, listened to that whisper in his mind telling him to just have a drink, and ended up hanging himself in his garage. His wife was part of the program and it nearly drove her to drinking herself but she came to the meetings and cried and we were all there to support her through it.

Not sure if this really answers your question. You should pick up the Alcoholics Anonymous book and read some of the personal stories in the back. If you can relate to any of the stories, you'll know there are hundreds of thousands of others who do as well. Most everyone I've met in the program have been good kind human beings but give any one of us a drink and it's like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde so it's best we just never have that first one.

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