We chatted and I asked for the usual, he got all uncomfortable and said he wasn’t going to do that anymore. I asked if he was drawing a line and he said yes. It had gotten to where I couldn’t afford bars and i had to hide drinking from my family so i’d get a refillable plastic mug thing.(the kind that seals in heat/cold), wait for it to get dark, and walk between different benches in the business district drinking and using my phone until i ran out or they stopped selling. Maybe 4-5 hours. This was all time sensitive, so if i was off work early or something i’d start drinking earlier and just keep coming back throughout the night until they stopped selling. Early days that mean I’d drink a TON. I’d come in absolutely wasted and then buy more or i’d leave and be too drunk and spill it and come back. I’m really unpleasant when i’m drunk. I’m very polite but have like this mixture of suicidal despair and mania where i just won’t shut up and subconsciously keep bringing up depressing subjects, i guess looking for some time of emotional connection. (I’ve learned that’s manipulative and the way i do it is really unfair to other people, drinking isn’t an excuse for it)

This happened after a breakup that really kicked the last bit of hope right out of me, right when i least needed another kick. i’d talked to him about her the night before about it while drunk. i think in my rambling i might have proposed a deal that if he watched this one movie i’d mentioned a bunch of times that i wouldn’t drink anymore. When i woke up he’d texted me about it and he liked the movie, wrote all this detailed analysis. He mentioned something about his end of the bargain. so I think maybe i proposed the deal and then he was offended when i came in and just blew of a huge promise to him. He’s known me a long time so the difference between where i was drinking vs. sober may be more clear to him than to the others but he knew how bad the issue was, because 99% of people who met me when he did don’t talk to me now. Everyone else who worked there was pretty weird afterward and one guy i talked to a lot started avoiding me for a while, so i think he had a talk with everybody who didn’t understand the gravity of the situation with me and alcohol. It’s all cool now

Anyway, i’ve lost all my friends drinking and whatever the exact reason, refusing to sell was a friendly, tough love move and I took it as such. I went back and thanked him like a week later