Again, it's not fair to twist my words. You start your comment by saying that this is serious and a real person in a real crisis situation - as if I either don't know, or somehow don't think this is serious. I don't appreciate that and I find it hurtful.

I hate defending myself from things I never said. You said "He may be mentally ill, but that's not an excuse." I NEVER SAID IT WAS AN EXCUSE. If you feel that I have, I would appreciate you asking for clarification instead of just making an assumption and jumping on it.

My perspective actually does come from personal experience, so it's also hurtful that you said "I hope it doesn't." Thanks.

I doubt you've read all of my comments on the thread, but I pretty clearly think what he's doing is abuse, abhorrent, and cannot continue. I have an entire comment about how her saying "did I fuck up" is deeply alarming because it shows a level of buying into the abuse.

I'll try to say this clearly and just hope you don't attack it: telling her to leave is a legitimate option that I've upvoted throughout the thread. But I also know life isn't as simple when it's your actual life and not a reddit post. They're married and they have a child. I am telling her how I would behave in the situation, not how she should.

Look, we haven't touched on this, but (1) he may not seek treatment even if she demands it, and (2) ...it may not work. He may quit after a session, or try a medication and then stop because he doesn't like it. "Seek mental health treatment" is a step, but it doesn't mean everything will work out wonderfully and they can stay together. I don't know what their chances are but I think she should be prepared to leave even if he agrees to treatment.