You probably ear this a lot but you sound like a wonderfull person and a mother.

My mother never gave a shit about me, she abused me sexualy, she beat me, she made me suffer psychologically etc. Despite that I always wished we'd be able to just talk and move on to be a more happy family she never thought that she ever did something wrong... Well... I'm 19 now and I moved to my aunts house (wich treats my a lot better) I still suffer, I still cry, I still feel shame about my family and myself.

Your story is the live proof that talking is always the solution we should look for

Right before I moved I had to fight her because she was trying to take my brothers [4yr and 5yr] to a bar and I was chasing her to take them home [I was 18] and she started to punch me in the face and after the 5th punch I barely snaped and beat her but I controlled and still tried to talk. But then she pushed my little brother... And grab her waist and I immobilized her. I was screaming for help because I couldn't take them by my own cause every time I tried to take the kids she would grab them so hard that it hurt them [next morning they had bruises in their hands]

I am currently trying to get money to take care of them

Well I wish you luck and I hope that everything goes back to normal! :D