YTA, and you and your husband can’t fix your son’s eating issues. You want to, and you think controlling this event will help, but it won’t. It literally makes no difference to his eating and weight problems.

I have sympathy for you, but your son is accountable for his own weight. His brother should not be expected to take on a problem that has nothing to do with him.

Yes, John might be eating himself to death and that terrifies you. Rightly so. Yes, John hasn’t made a success of his surgery and that keeps you awake at night.

But none of this has anything to do with Robert’s wedding and you shouldn’t be trying to make him responsible for his brother’s choices.