This is exactly right. I have a sister that got involved with people who harassed, threatened, and tried to kill me and my husband. Literally, no hyperbole. We have the proof she was involved. As much as I want my family to cut all ties with her, I understand that it's not that easy. So I laid out very specific boundaries with my family that I will continue to have a relationship with them but refuse to be around when she is. They have holidays with her so I do not attend holiday functions anymore. That's fine. She has children and my husband and I don't. It's more important for them to be there. It would be silly for me to cut all ties with my family just because they continue their relationship with her. It sucks and was really difficult for me at first because I thought they should have chosen me over her. It's not like that though. It's not that easy. OP needs to be clear about boundaries and stop lying about needing to work. Then they can start finding out what their relationship looks like with clear boundaries in place.