so the only thing she asked of you is to not try to make her reestablish a relationship with her mum. and you have the audacity to think it's coherent of you to say "all i ask was for her to sit down and talk things out with her mom"?? all SHE asked was for you to NOT DO THAT. this is so monumentally shit of you. and you won't even try to understand. yes, you should blame yourself. yes, you are an asshole. i wish i could use stronger language. i hope she divorces you before you trample all over her attempts to communicate and gaslight her about things. what the hell do you mean, you offered to make your MIL go away? when you'd already staged this whole thing knowing it was the worst thing for your wife, that your MIL was crying and that it'd make her look awful if you sent MIL away? or - you wouldnt actually have sent her away, right, you'd have just continued wheedling her about how she was being unreasonable for not at least being gracious? fk outta here. YOU be gracious. stop manipulating your wife and being obtuse about how you betrayed her; at the very least you can acknowledge what you did, face up to the horrible disrespect you have treated her with, and change. give a shit about her feelings and recognise your role in harming them, would be a bare minimum start. YTA.