Uhh, what the fuck. Ok, there's probably more to unpack here then what is in the post, but I'll take a shot.

Possibly, he shows his love by giving you experiences he thinks you will enjoy. So we're looking at dinner and ice-skating. Very nice. The issue is you told him how you want him to show you love, and that was through a thoughtful gift. He made a card last year after you felt shitty. That's a good gift, and a good lesson. You learn how to care for someone you love.

This year, he apparently forgot that you wanted a gift but remembered the gift he gave you a year ago and is still trying to ride on that? What? So he knows how great he did after you felt upset, but he forgot why you felt upset in the first place?

If he actually called you a fucking idiot that's a pretty fuckin' huge red flag. This is discounting and invalidating your feelings.

I was a verbally abusive husband. My spouse was a verbally abusive wife. We both justified how shitty we were to each other by saying the other did worse things so it's ok if I'm shitty. Maybe you guys call each other fucking idiots all the time, maybe that's your dynamic, but it doesn't sound that way from this post.

What it sounds like is someone trying to use logic instead of emotion and saying that emotion is inferior and the logic works out so why be mad? Then he says you ruined the day, moving himself into an illogical emotional response.

So your logical idea that a significant other remember that you like to get a gift on your birthday makes no sense to him because...he made you a card a year ago and your emotional response to feeling somewhat neglected or ignored is all incorrect?

And his logical idea that you will enjoy dinner and the experience of ice-skating better than what you have asked for ends up in his emotional response that you've ruined everything (is this supposed to be his day?) and you are being asked to validate that?

This sounds like an abusive relationship, but there is very little data to work with, so all of this has been a long-winded way of saying you're NTA. No one should call a loved one a fucking idiot or neglect their simple request like this. You might need to look at why you are with this person.