Okay. I worry (that's really a strong word here, but it'll do lol) that this will get downvoted, but I find the responses to her "checking his reddit" confusing. Like in the context of her other controlling behaviour, that's no beuno, but on it's own, is that really a red flag?!
I ask because my partner and I regularly look at each others reddit to upvote each other and give awards, sort of a background support thing. It never occurred to either of us that this could be considered a red flag. We also use each other's phones when it makes more sense to do so (he is driving but the person we are going to visit texted him and not me, or my phone has spotify, or we are using my phone to gamble [we miss the casino] and we have to Google something, etc), because it's just kind of assumed there is nothing concerning. It's never been an issue for us, but these reactions to the idea of looking at your partner's reddit is just... its so confusing to me.
Is this only considered a red flag because it is coupled with other, more obvious red flags, or do y'all truly think that looking at your partner's reddit is an automatic red flag? We just talked about it because of this post, and we aren't uncomfortable with it, but the feedback could be useful if it were to become an issue down the road.
OP is definitely NTA, and his partner seems both controlling and grossly obsessed with appearances (in spite of the fact that nobody will even see it. Man, I hate the idea that people expect people to be fake at all, but even more so when people imply it should extend to your private moments and spaces too). Since it is early and she is already gaslighting him (trying to convince him that he is being controlling by not giving into her controlling behaviour), I say he should reassess his options.