I hope that you’re able to read my message. I lost my mother at the age of 3. My father raised me. I have issues that I can not get passed. Emotional comfort issues almost. It’s due to not having a mother my entire life. My father wasn’t affectionate whatsoever. The reason I am writing this, is because I can honestly tell you, if it wasn’t for me finding such an amazing wife and having a family with her, I’d wish I weren’t ever born. I went through depression and still fight it. I have really bad anxiety.

The list on why a child NEEDS a mother can go on and on. I am living proof. I am not saying that you can’t be both, because I’m sure you can. The fact that you have a big enough heart, that this weighs on you, says a lot. However, Mother’s Day, Christmas, Valentine’s Day, my birthdays, thanksgiving, even random days hurt immensely. I hide it well, but the pain never goes away. I feel even if I had my father be the dad that he should have been, I would still NEED a mother. I have even hoped that one day, some random older woman with a heart of gold would tell me, “I’ll be your mom”. Just so that I could feel what it feels like to get that mother son wedding dance, a phone call from a mom, etc. I have even looked into adult adoption, not to fully care for me, but maybe a woman who never had a child because she couldn’t. I know I may sound crazy, but I am in my 30’s and not having a mom fucking sucks! And it never stops sucking.

I know I’d be the perfect son. I’m caring, poetic, musical, artistic, and I have a heart of gold. But I have no mother to take out for coffee, or buy some beautiful flowers for, or anything like that. I dream of it often. I praise you for thinking beyond most your age. You’re a big man, and you have a great head on your shoulders.

You’re making the right decision. I hope you get to read this. No matter how bad you feel. You are making the right decision! Trust me!