NAH here, you are NOT the asshole. And I’m saying this as someone who went through this exact thing. I lost my mom unexpectedly and I just couldn’t deal with it. I went through everything you describe your BF is. I really honestly couldn’t believe I could be alive and feel that much pain, it was indescribable and made me throw up constantly. I couldn’t eat at all and I went through a handle of whiskey every few days.

At the time this happened I was with my first real love, love of my life. I won’t go into detail but I’ve never felt like that again and I doubt I ever will. He was the only thing that made life bearable and after a few months he dumped me, citing the same things you did. I blamed him for a really long time, but eventually I understood. If I had to watch someone I loved so much as a whole, happy beautiful person literally become an alcoholic shell of themselves who couldn’t get out of bed, I don’t know what I would have done either.

The only thing that made me feel slightly better during that time was when my Dad told me that losing a parent ends tons of long marriages too, people with kids and assets together who can’t make it because one spouse is grieving so hard. Grief is a fuckin bitch and it does weird things to us. You also have done a hell of a lot to support him, and I understand it’s hard to sustain that when the other person can’t return love to you. Maybe some people can stick it out, but it certainly doesn’t mean you should feel guilty about not.