The way I see it, they were all in the wrong, and, because of that, OP doesn't have the higher or lower ground. She's in the perfect position to give a "I admit that I was in the wrong but so were you, so let's sit down and have a mature conversation about US being in the wrong together". It's easier to get into these conversations if all parties can admit that they were wrong. If they deny what they did was wrong, then there's clearly an issue that's worth noting, which is why, either way, whether she wins or loses, there's something to be learned. But nothing will be learned if she either doesn't take any action or just ends it with "I was wrong, period".