I think NAH. I think everyone is doing their best and no one is wrong.

I grew up with a friend/neighbor with special needs. I was much older (12-20) than Sam when I met Michael, so I was able to have a different relationship with him than Sam will have with Aiden right now. Michael was intellectually disabled from birth so I understand that my example is different than your scenario. It helped that Michael came over to my house and I knew him through more interactions than just at the school bus stop. Because of my age and our more personal relationship, I was able to see Michael as a friend before we got to school. So when the opportunity arose to redirect him away from negative people, let’s say, I was able to step up and “protect him”. I had a relationship with Michael where I chose to hang out with him. My friends followed my example.

If I were in your place, I’d try this:

Instead of trying to force Sam to accept Aiden during the Saturday park group, I’d try to arrange a play date for Sam and Aiden at a separate time. I’d talk to Sam about it and make sure he wanted to try (as you have already but I’d do it in the context of the personal play date). Sam hasn’t really been given the choice to interact with Aiden until now. This could happen with any new friend. Maybe a personal play date would allow the boys to learn how to interact in a way that makes Sam more interested in playing with Aiden at the Saturday group. It might not work out. It might turn into a great situation where everyone involved learns a little bit about playing with different types of friends.

The kids are both young. Sam shouldn’t have to be the neighborhood ambassador. I’d be curious to know if other parents are receiving this feedback from Aiden’s mom. And while I agree that Sam shouldn’t have to play with anyone who breaks his toys, I wonder if there’s a way for the boys to learn how to play together.