AITA for lying about my wife having fertility issues? [UPDATE]

Here's the original post:

My wife is trans and we met for the first time after she fully medically and surgically transitioned. Nobody besides her family (and my sister, who found out on her own) really knows this, and she wants to keep it that way.

Anyway, we both wanted to have kids young so we adopted our little girl before the pandemic started. Because of everything that's been going on, my parents didn't really get to meet her until last week, and my sister and her husband were also there.

My parents are very conservative, and they've been a bit disappointed about the fact that we adopted--nothing really explicit, but just subtle things. After they met our daughter, though, they melted a little (because how could you not?) but they still wanted to know why we adopted. I felt a bit clever saying "fertility issues," because we do have fertility issues, just not the kind my parents probably thought.

My sister didn't say anything at the time, but she let loose on me later. I forgot that she has fertility issues, and she started yelling at me saying that she's been spending ten of thousands of dollars on in-vitro, how depressed it's made her, how her marriage is on the rocks, and how she's traumatized from her miscarriages (I didn't know she had any). She told me that she trusted me with that and that I'm immature. I told her that we technically do have fertility issues, and she said it's different because we "chose" to have ours and we knew what we were getting into. She said that it wasn't our issue to appropriate. All the women I dated before my wife were cis but I didn't fall in love with any of them. I don't think I "chose" to fall in love with her, so that made me pretty upset.

I wouldn't have felt like I was in the wrong until my sister told me that I could have just said that I felt like it would be better for the world to adopt. I still think it would have been met with a lot of suspicion and criticism from my parents, but that would have been the easiest way to avoid anybody getting hurt, and now I've built this unnecessary rift between my sister and I. My wife says that we do have fertility issues and she feels bad for my sister because of everything she's going through, but ultimately we have nothing to apologize for because we told the truth.

I don't know what to think about all this. AITA?

/r/AmItheAsshole Thread Parent