Again. Not necessarily. My first language until 1 was Arabic but only because I lived in an Arab country while my dad was working there - no one in my family speaks it. Forgot it completely. Second (native) language - barely/ don’t speak after refusing from 7 years old. English is my only fluent language. I speak better French, Spanish and Japanese!

I was sent to class to read & write. I can mouth the sounds of the words but not understand then depending on dialect/ vocab even if it’s the same base alphabet for multiple languages.

They are not necessarily Arab, either. Muslims are from all over, could speak Somali, Urdu, Punjabi, Gujarati, Hindi, etc etc

Her mother not learning German isn’t necessarily an effort thing either - it could be a close community / not many women in the area that speak the same language to learn from/ no language classes at times she could go (due to childcare and household duties - depending on how traditional their set up is). That’s also a narrative frequently used by people not from a community to talk about lack of ‘integration’ and assign blame without understanding the reality of what ‘effort’ might mean for someone if their partner doesn’t think you need to learn.

Communication between them - I think it’s more about nuance of the situation. Trying to explain the reality of her life to her mum - it’s blocked by more than words. It’s a whole other world she grew up in. Even if they spoke one language fluently (which would / could help), there are so many things that are so complicated, so visceral, so painful - it’s coming out in horrendous ways.

I don’t think her mum is right, she’s a product of her generation and upbringing. And I truly feel for OP - stuck between all the warring issues of discrimination, job desperation, religious and cultural beliefs, being first/ second generation in a European city…