Today he got told he will be moving from salary to " as needed" work and we are down to just my paycheck for now . . . . He wants me to stop what I am doing and make him feel better, but I dont know how to do that so I am avoiding his messages.

It sounds like he's been a jerk to you, but today you're being a jerk to him. He just lost his regular job and income and he wants you to stop what you're doing and make him feel better. This is one of those times when a human being naturally wants comfort and support, especially from the person closest to them (often a spouse). If I'm understanding correctly, he's saying that the acts of service you do for him -- cooking, shopping , cleaning, etc. -- are not what he needs and that he needs your emotional support right now. Does he feel love through words more than actions?

All that said, he's been horrible to you and it can't be easy to be nice to him now. The constant critiquing can wear away your soul. If you have no desire to salvage the relationship, you probably should do what you feel like doing in the current situation and plan on separating. If you want to remain married, you should probably try to comfort him in an effort to strengthen the faltering relationship you have. Send a message to him or tell him something like "I'm so sorry you lost your job; we'll get through this."

Easier said than done to advise you, but be there for him now when it makes sense, if you want this relationship with him to continue.