The Grandparents are the reason I would say NTA. Jason is not at fault for the way he feels either.
Honestly this story is really close and personal to me. I really feel for OP and the husband. They did nothing wrong and did the best they could. I know plenty of parents that that would have never bothered to better their lives, not to mention they both stuck around, which is much more than many other kids got.
I grew up in poverty, no food, no power at times, hide from the landlord poor. My mom did the best she could given the circumstances, she was young and there were 3 of us boys.
But you know what gets me is this subs reaction to all this. So, I hope that you see this OP, because it's not your fault. It's okay and it will all come out in the wash eventually.
I read someones comment about how he probably couldn't read and got made fun of for that. Yeah, maybe, I couldn't read until I was in the 3rd grade. It set me back, of course, but we don't know shit about that. I find it crazy the assumptions people come up with on here.
My mom remarried, things got a lot better and they had my sister whom I love dearly, but man, our lives where different. I was about the same age as Jason when my mom and stepdad became financially stable. I mean, though my brothers were a bit younger too and got enjoy some of the financial securities, we three ended up fucked up. We all ended up drug addicts, really bad addicts. We were those boys in your small town you knew of as the fuck ups, but we weren't fuck ups, we were just fucked up. See, our dad and his family walked away from use when we were young. My youngest brother hardly even saw the guy. He lived 20 minutes away our whole life, still, to this day. I haven't seen him in over decade.
We had a lot of resentment towards our sister as well. Much to my everlasting regret. I treated her like shit and if I'm going to be honest, sometimes I still do. I am still bitter at times, but that is not my parents fault. This was not their doing.
I lacked self worth and I still am working on it.
I can't say for Jason or the friends he grew up with, but in my experience the poverty mentality has it's own culture in a sense. We never thought we'd be anything. Hell, I thought I'd be dead by now or in prison. It's a dominating mindset when it's all you know. I've lost my best friend to an OD and I've had quite a few others end up in prison. Most of us were able to change our lives around, kind of.
I hope Jason can find a way to love himself and accept that life is this extraordinary thing that is constantly changing. If anything your guys change should be seen as a success story. Changing perspective is important to do. He can look at the way he is and rightfully so, but I hope with time he can think of it differently. Maybe, if grudgingly, be glad his younger siblings are being able to not have to experience poverty as he had.
The pictures thing OP, I get that, because it is something that still hurts me. The house has a ton of pictures with my sister, meanwhile I can probably count on both hands how many have my brothers and I. But that's not your fault. There is always more time for future family photos.
It's hard living, life is hard.
Too many people here have no fucking idea what you all went through.