AITA for not inviting my mother’s lesbian partner to my wedding?

Curious use of lesbian lover.

Out of curiosity, has there ever been a consideration that the reason why your mother was cheating with Pam and then ended up leaving your father for her is because deep down inside she was really a lesbian struggling with her sexuality in an environment that frowned upon being gay? Is it possible that when she was young growing up she was actively discouraged and looked down upon like so many other gay people were that she felt like she had to hide her true sexuality by getting married to a man and having children because that's what was expected of her?

Is it possible that you had not considered the idea that our generation being younger is extremely more tolerant to people being gay than it was 30 40 50 years ago? That there's a higher chance that your mother grew up in a situation where she had to repress who she really was for so long because had she been open and honest her life would have been a living hell?

It seems like from your post you're acknowledging that after she left your father for Pam they've been together ever since, thus really demonstrating that deep down inside your mother has always been a lesbian and she found the love of her life.

I don't condone parent abandoning their child for so very long because of these sorts of things. Rather I'm just trying to rationally understand the situation. Is it possible that your mother never wanted to really have children? That's not a resentment for having them and I'm sure in her way she truly loves you because you are her child, but I could understand the situation if she was truly a lesbian and never wanted to have children but the expectations of the culture she grew up in was that she had to get married and have children with a man because if she didn't she would be disowned? I can never truly understand the struggle of someone who is gay who is in the generation of your mother, but I can tell you it's not good. I have watched my gay uncle who's in his late 50s not be able to tell anyone in the family that he's gay because he fears being disowned. So he lives a life of the bachelor businessman to the rest of them because he doesn't want to show them it's true life. My generation is much more understanding and forgiving than the generation he grew up with and the generation who raised him. Perhaps your mother is of this same group?

I understand how you feel because this is the person that your mother cheated on your father with. I can understand the rage and pain that you feel because your mother abandoned you. I just wonder, have you truly been able to reconcile and forgive her for the things that she has done wrong?

/r/AmItheAsshole Thread