Something that I haven’t seen addressed is how the mother of a “miracle baby” annoys everyone so much with her obsessive talk and special treatment that everyone starts to resent the child. They don’t mean to but you often can’t help it.
My cousin was a miracle child and got away with EVERYTHING. ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING. She was physically abusive, disrespectful, foul mouthed and so much more even in her toddler years. When she got older it was sex, drugs, alcohol, lying, cheating, stealing, staying out all night, breaking the law, lying to DHS… etc. My mother and aunt would just laugh and say that she was “special” and a “miracle”. Unfortunately, we all lived together so I couldn’t escape. Then, the “miracle baby” had a daughter of her own and raised her the same way. One day I was watching her daughter and my daughter play when for absolutely no reason her daughter picked up a wooden block, walked up to my daughter, raised it over her head and bashed my daughter in the face with it. I went and put her in time out as I was babysitting while my cousin did her college homework in the living room. The 4.5 year old screamed bloody murder and tried to get out of the corner but I simply picked her up and put her back in the corner. I was not aggressive or even angry. (I am the oldest of 11 and know kids will be kids.) Parenting books say one minute for every year of age. Well, she didn’t even make it 1 minute and my cousin came running in asking what happened. No problem. Of course she wants to know why her child is screaming. I explained and at first she argued with me. Said Raeni (my daughter) was lying-despite the blood on her face. When I explained that I saw her do it, she got all pissed off and said I was excessively punishing her because she was not my child and had struck my child. Meanwhile, my poor little girl ended up with a black eye and a scratch on her cheek. I explained that she only had to stay in time out for a total of 4 minutes! Four minutes!!! My cousin threw a fit! Total tantrum! She was 26 years old! I ended up telling her I wouldn’t be babysitting unless her daughter followed the same rules as my daughter. It isn’t like I spanked, neglected or abused them! Meanwhile, I never agreed to babysit anyway. My cousin would just show up the minute I got off work, every single day, set up at my desk and completely, completely, completely ignore her daughter. To the point that she wouldn’t even answer her own daughter if she asked her something. She was so entitled that she just expected me to watch her daughter for her. Didn’t ask. Didn’t say “thank you”. This happened every single day for well over a year. I would feed her, bathe her and take care of all of her needs. I even put her to bed. She would spend most nights asleep at my house. This left my daughter feeling like she had to share her mom. I felt so awful about that that sometimes I would resent my cousin’s daughter’s presence in my home. She was so ill mannered that I spent way too much time minding her and not enough quality time with my own daughter. I didn’t blame the kid, but my cousin. I felt bad for her kid which is why I put up with it for so long. I knew if she weren’t being watched after by me, then no one would be taking care of her. So sad.
It just goes to show that this ends up being a vicious cycle! I resent my aunt and mother for creating this problem in the first place! Now, another child is likely to turn out to be as narcissistic and entitled as my cousin. I still try really hard to be a better influence over my cousin’s daughter but it is really hard.