AITA for not wanting to share with my autistic brother?

Just to play devil’s advocate, I wouldn’t say your parents are “gaslighting” you. They aren’t being malicious. But it’s clear from these comments that they expect you to spend the rest of your life caring for your brother after they die, in the same way they have done.

In many ways people feel that their children are extensions of themselves. It is a good thing because it is what makes us take care of our kids and want to pass things down to them. But it can also take on a negative side when we try to pass down unreasonable expectations or responsibilities.

Your brother is blessed to have parents who have done so much to set him up to be as successful as he can be in life, even with his condition. But it sucks that they have basically lost sight of the fact that you also need individual care and attention.

I totally agree with other commenters that you need to move out when you have a chance - taking a residency several states away sounds perfect! Then, once you have some distance, start having some very frank conversations with your parents that while you love your brother and will always look out for him, it doesn’t mean that he’s going to be living with you or having the same relationship with you that he has with them.

Hopefully they will understand and you all can find a good balance in your relationship. Just don’t hold it against them that they always favored him over you - they thought he needed it more. Everyone is trying to do the best they can, NAH.

/r/AmItheAsshole Thread Parent