You seem to have your wife’s best intentions at heart in your commentary but in your post you’re saying things that are telling that shows you aren’t accepting of your wife’s traditions.
The confinement. In itself is meant for the woman’s recovery and the benefit for the mother of the baby. I’m like western culture Chinese culture values the person who burns the baby over everything else. Yes the baby is important but It is a general consensus in Chinese culture in Chinese traditional medicine which is a proven therapy, that without the mother being healthy the baby will not thrive either. This confinement is literally a time for her to be waited on hand and foot by either a postpartum center or a trusted family member or a trusted postpartum Doula while her body recovers.
Telling her not to wash her hair or shower is because the body contains less blood volume after giving birth. During pregnancy your blood is thinned to prevent coagulation, so the idea is that you also have less cells inside the blood to assist immunity, oxygen transportation etc. etc. so they try to prevent you catching any form of cold, flu or minor infection because your body is not at its best and would rather you put most of your energy into recovering and breast-feeding instead of fighting off infection. Yes a lot of women who don’t live in the west do just fine, but you will find the reason that exacerbate a lot of women’s postpartum depression is that they don’t get enough time to rest, And that you’re as treated as the only caregiver for the child as they’re the only ones who can breast-feed, they’re for bidden to leave the house for months and not just weeks, and they have no help. If you combine this with an already present hormonal imbalance, these women are bound to get cranky.
Thirdly you should understand the fact that your wife mourning someone’s death and her family celebrating your baby‘s birth cannot be put on the same level. And you know that most people are more willing to celebrate happy events and they are to allow children to go to funerals. This isn’t even a western thing. For Chinese people the one month celebration and 100 day celebration are very important because that’s when the risk of sudden infant death syndrome has decrEased considerably. Most cultures have a version of this Nigeria has a one year celebration that is really huge to celebrate that the child did not pass within the first year of infancy. Your expectations are extremely self-serving. And your lack of understanding towards these traditions is glaring .
From your own commentary you stated that your wife reasoning for not wanting a celebration is Covid. This doesn’t mean she wouldn’t want to celebrate her baby’s one month anniversary for it simply means that she’s more afraid for her babies health then she wants to have a celebration.
From your commentary it’s clear that you view dowry as a sale of goods. You also firmly believe that she’s not supposed to see her family at all? But this doesn’t make sense I live in China and the consensus in modern China is they all want to have female children because they have to do less financially to provide them with a good Headstart in life as well as the fact that girls are more willing to stand by the parents and take care of the parents when they’re older even if their married. This notion that she has to stay far away from her own family is honestly strange. A lot of well off parents so only want a daughter so they can be close to her even after getting married it’s very rare that you get a family that hundred percent feels that your daughter should not be coming home after marriage. Smells a bit bull shitty to me. YTA
Stop trying to parent your wife. Her filial piety and her love for her traditions is not for you to decide. Her in-laws are for her to handle.