you mention how surprising your gender is to your parents several times. I'm guessing you hear a lot about how your gender ~changed all their plans~. I'm not sure if you question this, but it seems like a very strange perspective to me. your parents thought you were female for several months while your mom was pregnant, fifteen years ago. it's weird enough to me to have a gender-specific life plan for an unborn baby, and to continue obsessing about it for so long is very strange behavior. seems to me it would've stopped being relevant a long, long time ago.

based on this and their general reaction to you and your sister, your parents seemed caught in a matching twin fantasy instead of seeing the actual person you are. that's not your fault nor is that the fault of you being a twin, it's a boundary issue. do you think they'd be receptive to a broader conversation about that? this manifests in the lacrosse/college/outfit stuff but don't let the details of that take the focus off the fundamental issue here. teen years are often where these things get pulled into the light as you become more and more of an independent person. what you want to make of yourself is more authentic than your parents' idea of what you should be - keep sticking up for yourself and best of luck.