AITA for refusing to let my daughter see her children?

NTA, OP. All that matters here is that your granddaughters are safe, loved and feel cared for. For a major part of their lives, you (and your wife) have been their safe haven- you are the person they trust, the person they know for sure will always want good things for them.

Forcing them to meet their mother when they don’t want to will jeopardise their trust in you- and these girls who have gone through so much already don’t deserve to have their safe haven taken away from them yet again.

Whether or not your granddaughters are justified in their desire to not see their mom doesn’t matter here at all. What they need is to know there is at least one person in this world who will always be on their side- acting in haste will only push them away from you, and that will cause a lot of pain to all of you.

What you need to do right now is give this situation some time. You need time, and your granddaughters need time- to come to terms with their mother re-entering their lives. If possible, it would help all of you to get some kind of therapy/counselling to help understand all of your emotions.

Your daughter needs to give her children some time. Time to grow up. Time to come to terms with the way her actions affected them. Time to learn to see her as a flawed human. Time to understand that she loves them. Time to forgive her. Time to accept her back into their lives. She got to have her time to deal with her own addictions and to get back on her feet. Now she needs to step up and give her daughters time to accept her back into their lives.

Also, you need to take care of yourself too. You deserve to be happy and free of stress- I am glad you have a good support system in your son and his family, but it can’t be easy to do what you’re doing, especially after losing your lovely wife so recently. Most people find it incredibly difficult to deal with such a huge loss, and you have the additional responsibility of caring for two teens/preteens, for supporting them during their grieving process, and now to deal with this new thing in your lives. I hope you can get some professional help to develop the tools to deal better.

Sending you and your family strength and positive thoughts.

/r/AmItheAsshole Thread