You had the right to use your embryos as you chose, of course. You were very unkind to use them as a way of punishing your friend for her choice of husband. That is in no way your choice to make. You should have either thought to yourselves ‘yes we want that couple to have our child’ or ‘no we don’t want that couple to have our child,’ without the rhetorical attempt to divide and conquer.

It was actively cruel to hold your friend to ransom when she was in an impossible situation. You knew damn well she wasn’t going to leave her husband and so saying ‘you can only have the embryos if you leave that man’ is just as spiteful and unproductive as saying ‘nyah nyah nyah, you can’t have a baby.’

Be honest with yourself for a second. If your friend had left her husband, would you have given her the embryos?

Even if he’s the most odious man on the planet, that was just mean. It’s the definition of an empty offer.

I’m not weighing in on the arsehole rating, because I’m answering the salient question, which is one you didn’t ask. But the way you treated your friend wasn’t fair.