ESH. The grandma for behaving poorly.

But you seem to have a shocking lack of awareness and empathy. While it's good that your immediate family took the news of you changing the photos well, it was actually a terribly thoughtless thing to just do. I don't know anyone in my life that would get so ahead of themselves like that. Awareness and concern would have gotten to them long before acting, and not as an afterthought.

Also, them calling you mom isn't the same thing as you being their mother. You shouldn't be calling yourself the mom, especially if the older kids don't. They can call you that if they want. Its like when you call your inlaw "mom" (which I know some do). She doesn't introduce herself as your mom, though. It's just a name you call her, you get the difference?