NTA. You are a grown woman, and you are that man’s partner. His “family dynamic” is cruelty and scapegoating. She is not in charge of you, and cannot ask you to accommodate their abuse of your husband. What they did was cruel, and your husband was instantly defeated. That tells me this is a recurring trauma and feeling like an abused child is hard to reconcile with who he is— a man who has chosen to break their patterns by marrying an exceptionally empathetic and supportive partner.

You are wise to insulate your life from people who do not respect boundaries. Everything you share is the source of their gossip and taunts. If you do not live your life by committee, you SHOULD limit who has access to the details.

You can tell your MIL that you appreciate her insights and will think it over. Then never get back to her. Send group emails to stay in touch and plan things together, but keep their cruelty out of your daily lives. Build a new “family dynamic” for the two of you that includes being supportive of each other.

Being the family scapegoat never ends until the scapegoat lays down solid boundaries. You are right to keep your marriage between just the two of you, but at the end of the day, this is his battle. He will need to speak up at some point to explain to his own family that their bullying of him is unacceptable, so you two will not be doing family things unless they can stop their cruelty. And you have to let him, in his own time. It’s important to his dignity and healing that he tells them the new normal.