AITA when my wife wants to party all night with her friends

Is it alcohol? Because that's what I can speak to, although I imagine other addictions are similar. Prep yourself for a wall of text. Feel free to PM me anytime.

Alcohol gives me a lovely "warm and fuzzy" feeling. Like being wrapped in a childhood blanket. I didn't necessarily realize that's what I was feeling, but I assume that's the dopamine release. So my theory is that I would drink at night (to "relax" or whatever) and "use up" my dopamine, then I would wake up every morning feeling emotionally trashed and struggle through work. Then I would start drinking soon after work to get that dopamine rush to make me feel level again.

My SO does not get the warm-and-fuzzy from alcohol. He does not understand how I could want to drink every night. In 5ish years, I've seen him really drunk maybe 3 times. I only completely understood where he was coming from after trying naltrexone before drinking (The Sinclair Method). It blocks the dopamine release. I don't feel warm fuzzies and drinking, in general, is less appealing. I also don't feel so emotionally crippled every morning. I still drink most nights but it feels more like a weird habit that I anticipate being able to break than the compulsion that it felt like before.

So basically, if you feel it's a substance abuse problem, it's likely that it is a literal compulsion caused by mechanisms in his brain. This absolutely does not mean that you should give him any leeway on treating you right. It may not be your boyfriend's "fault" that he has an addiction (assuming he does). There's likely a biological driver for it. But it's certainly his responsibility to make you feel comfortable and confident in your relationship.

/r/AmItheAsshole Thread Parent